Fathers

Remember that this is unedited text -- like "letters to the editor." Identifying information, such as names, has been removed; but otherwise it is posted here pretty much as it came in. So read it as personal opinion shared with warm intentions but without authority of any kind.

In a letter to Birth, public health researchers note that in Australia and several other countries, boys are more likely than girls to be weaned before 6 months of age. Although this does not seem to be true of all cultures, they are concerned about the reasons for boys being weaned early where this phenomenon does occur. They theorize that parents may mistakenly believe that male infants need more nutrition than can be provided by breast milk alone. (Scott, JA; Binns, CW. Breastfeeding: are boys missing out? Birth 26:4 (Dec. 1999) [Note from NJB: I would be interested in differences in the weaning ages of boys and girls through the toddler years. Are some boys nursed longer because they are "more valuable?" Are others weaned earlier in an effort to make them "tougher?" The answers would no doubt vary from one culture to the next.]

My husband was insistent on breastfeeding our children as newborns. It was when they could sit up and pull up my shirt that he wanted me to stop. He thinks women who don't breastfeed are crazy and are doing a disservice to their children, but he thinks there should be a time limit. He felt embarrassed by my breastfeeding at that point (and I'm not one to go behind a closed door to do it either! I've even breastfed in the pew at church. I figure it's God's design and not offending him, so why should it offend anyone else?) My other babies were weaned at 14 mos. Only the youngest breastfed past the two year mark, mostly because I knew she was my last and I didn't want to give it up. Personally, I'd breastfeed them until they were five if it would hold off my periods that long! With all of mine, it kept my periods off for a full year. Wonderful!

Although my husband was very supportive of the nursing relationship for the first 12 months of my son's life, he really struggles with it now. He has said things like- "it doesn't matter what I think, you are going to do what you think is right anyway". I wish I knew how to explain in a non-threatening way the emotional component of and the importance of this nursing relationship that we have built.

From a father who has overcome his doubts:

Some time ago a doctor said to my wife that maybe she should put our toddler in daycare, because mother and child appeared to be close. The doctor felt that our son was too dependent on his mom.
However, this is not the case. Granted there are times when the little one wants to be with his mom all of the time, but usually I'm the one chasing him around the house (or his big brother) playing with him or trying to "shake" him.
He is very independent--I think even more so than the first one, who was bottle fed.
The health benefits and savings aside, I respect my wife for having the courage and commitment to continue to breastfeed our toddler in order to give him the best possible advantage of growing up as a healthy, well adjusted child. Their bond was always close, and since he knows that he can always depend on his mom, our bond is even closer. Our second seems very happy and loves his big brother to death. He's developing just fine and whatever doubts I had about my wife nursing past 24 months, are out the window every time I see the smile on my little one's face when he comes running for me, not for his mom's breast.

A father can definitely be an equal parent with the mother. And I include in this both responsibility and nurturing, as well as commitment for extended breastfeeding. It is sad that some fathers cling to their 'provider' role instead of sharing all of the family roles with the mother. Our 15-month-old is very attached to his father, and I am at least as much a 'provider' as my husband is. This is the ideal face of modern, feminist marriages, and certainly makes for a superb, supported breast-feeding relationship.

See Reinventing Fatherhood, a thoughtful piece by Richard Louv, commissioned by the United Nations for the International Year of the Child. (Vienna: United Nations, 1994. 25 p. (Occasional papers series, No. 14)
Reprinted in Richard Louv, The Web of Life: Weaving the Values that Sustain Us. Conari Press, 1996.